


Hiding

by TheFairysPath (friendlyneighborhoodfairy)



Series: The Path I Took (WWTDP 2018) [18]
Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Genderqueer Character, Gray and Natsu both have PTSD, Hope, Implied/Referenced Abuse, M/M, Other, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Triggers, binding, unexplained backstory (no trauma details)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-19
Updated: 2018-10-19
Packaged: 2019-08-04 12:23:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16346675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/friendlyneighborhoodfairy/pseuds/TheFairysPath
Summary: Natsu has a panic attack. Gray comforts them as best he can, but he knows he can't solve the problem.(Fic #4 forWhen We Take Different Pathsgender week.)





	Hiding

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt = masks/hiding + genderqueer. Gratsu.
> 
>  _ **Trigger Warning**_ for PTSD and panic attacks.
> 
> There are no details as to what Gray or Natsu's traumas are.

They had only been home for ten minutes—Natsu was still wearing their boots and Gray had just put away the coats—when it inevitably came.

"That…totally freaked me out," Natsu said, teeth chattering.

"I'm so sorry. If I'd been able to anticipate… One of your triggers. I'm so sorry, darling."

"It's…" Natsu's head bowed.

Gray watched his partner dissolve.

"I…I just…" Natsu shook, arms pulled in close to their chest, and took a step back from Gray. Their back hit the kitchen counter. "I want to hide away, never deal with any of it, never been seen, never see—never be triggered. No one could ever get to me, ever, and it would be safe, and nobody…nobody—"

"It's okay, love," Gray said, reaching out a hand, though he didn't move closer. "Totally okay to feel that way."

"I  _hate_ it," Natsu said. "A-Always…"

They slid down the cabinetry to the floor, muffling their crying behind their hands. As their breathing began to come in bigger and bigger gasps, Gray crouched down across from them, hands shaking.

"Fuck.  _Fuck._  A-And they just…it…f-fuck."

"Mmm. Shh," Gray soothed. "It's alright. I'm here."

"So sh-shitty. Just because…" Natsu gasped on their next inhale, breaths turning quick and shallow. When they lifted their head, their face was flushed and pale at the same time, blotchy with fear and emotion, and very wet.

Natsu trembled, fingers curled like claws. It terrified Gray to see them this way, even while at the same time he understood. It ached in the deepest parts of him, wanting to be significant, wanting to be  _there_  in the place where Natsu was in their mind.

Natsu's sobs were swallowed hiccoughs, always trying to mask it. As if being strong meant not crying.

"Natsu…" Gray's voice was a hoarse whisper. "Can I hold you?"

Natsu's only answer was to cry harder.

The tile floor where the pair sat felt cold, ice leeching up into them. It was so quiet in the house and yet so loud, full of Natsu's pain.

"Natsu, I would like to… I'm shifting closer, okay? Can I touch you? Can I put my hand on your arm?"

As Gray eased himself infinitesimally across the floor, Natsu gave a gruff nod, face still hidden in their knees. They were curled in a tight ball, and Gray put his sweaty palm on their elbow, fingers grazing down their arm. Gray hoped the trembling in his body wasn't being communicated through his touch. He wanted to be steady.

When he reached their hand, Natsu snatched at him, intertwining their fingers. It was sharp and hard and aching, and Gray didn't mind in the slightest. It was alive. It was the two of them, together. It didn't matter if it hurt.

"Need anything?" Gray asked after a while. "Can I do anything?"

Natsu's breaths had begun to calm, so that their words came out thick and sluggish. "You can… Can you hold me? Please, I just need…"

" _Yes,_ " Gray said, wrapping his arms gratefully around Natsu. "Gods, yes, I want to hold you."

Natsu tensed, shutting their eyes against another flood of tears. They shook apart in his arms while Gray held on for all he could.

He knew they were crying because of him, could feel Natsu's tears responding to the way he squeezed them.

Being loved hurt sometimes. Gray understood that. It hurt to be loved so much when you were so scared, when you didn't think you deserved to be taken care of. It hurt when you didn't want to trust someone, yet wanted to lean on them all the same. Some hurts were okay.

"Are we safe?" they whispered.

"Yes," Gray said. "We're at home in our house, alone. I'm here. They're not. It's just us."

Natsu leaned against him, putting their head beneath Gray's chin and curling into Gray's body heat.

"I just think about," Natsu sniffed, "will I ever get better?"

"What is 'better'? Why does better matter?"

"Because what I'm feeling  _sucks_  and I'd like not to feel this shitty anymore."

Gray nuzzled their hair. "Fair enough."

Natsu hiccoughed.

"Fuck, I'm so sweaty. I feel cold," they murmured.

"Let's get you in warmer clothes, yeah?"

He helped them up and the pair of them wobbled to the bedroom, where Natsu stared blankly at the wall while taking off their jeans. Gray stripped quickly, not wanting it to just be Natsu alone, and saw when Natsu's fingers twitched at the edge of their shirt.

There were dark spots from the sweat, and they were shivering.

"C'mere, love," he said, pulling them into his embrace while he eased their shirt off. "Damn, you're binding. That can't be good for your breathing."

"Did…make it kinda hard to cry…" Natsu murmured, quavery.

When you were heaving with sobs…

"We need to take this off," Gray said, but he wasn't about to do it unless they asked.

Nodding, they exhaled and squeezed it over their head. Gray took it from their shaking hands and tossed it on the pile of clothes as he pulled them against his chest.

They hunched but glommed on, skin damp and clammy.

"Shower?" he asked.

"I just want to cuddle right now," Natsu said wearily.

So they dressed in sweats, awkwardly because Natsu stayed against their body the whole time, but it was kind of nice. And a little funny, if it weren't for the context. Natsu pulled a tanktop over their breasts and inhaled deeply, and Gray knew they felt freer just from that much enclosure.

"You look lovely, by the way," he said, brushing pink-dyed hair off their forehead. "Sorry. Bad timing."

They gave him a wan smile.

"It's okay. I like hearing you say it."

Together they meandered out to the sofa and sank down, Natsu wrapping their arms around Gray's waist and tilting him sideways. The pair nestled comfortably lengthwise, and Natsu played distractedly with Gray's lips, fingertips light on his skin, gaze faraway.

"You know I love you," Gray murmured.

"Yeah. I love you back."

"I say it all the time, but I don't mean it any less."

They smiled.

The minutes ticked by in golden silence, Gray's senses landing on nothing but the motes of dust and the soft rhythm of Natsu's breathing.

When Gray looked over, they'd closed their eyes, and he realized, watching their lashes flutter, that they'd drifted off.

Panic attacks were exhausting. Gray knew that from personal experience.

He hated that it had happened, to both of them, but…the fact that they'd found each other after, could understand each other—that was…really nice. To have someone who was there with him, and whom he could be there for in return.

It meant that even in the darkness, there was a sense of warmth.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm known for writing Gray dealing with trauma, but this story went another direction and they both have PTSD and Natsu's the one having a panic attack… I felt it strongly and I'm not sure why. But I love these darlings. And if you've been through that too, I understand you and I stand with you. xo


End file.
